[Beta version posted 9/2/01]
"I'm back," Sakura called out as she let the door to the Eastern Dormitory swing shut behind her.
A muttered greeting came from the common room.
She rolled her eyes and hid a smile as she nearly skipped up the stairs to her bedroom. She felt wonderful today, and not just because there hadn't been a challenge for nearly a week. She had gotten back her calculus midterm today, and against all odds she had done quite well. She had scored above the curve, which made her very excited indeed. It looked like she didn't need the help Miki had offered her in math class.
Which reminded her of the notebook he had given her. Contrary to his words it was not full of integrals but observations of the world he was studying in. She was fascinated by his records of the previous Rose Bride, a person she felt sympathy towards. She was startled by the notes on Nanami, and Sakura reflected on how much the young girl had to have changed to be the friend she was now.
She only glanced at the notes on Saionji, respecting his privacy.
"By the way, the mail came," his voice came drifting up.
She bounced back downstairs into the common room, and paused. Saionji was lounging in a recliner - a respite he had earned after he pulled an all-nighter to get his research paper done in time. She had stayed up with him to make sure he stayed awake. When she discovered his paper topic was about the perception of magic in literature (which explained why he was trying to hide a copy of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone) she had thrown out several ideas and shared her own experiences with magic.
"After all, Harry's situation is rather like my own," she had pointed out. "We both have a special ability and got acceptance letters to a school we had never heard about - which was a big shock. We both met lots of interesting people along the way who either hinder or help. And there were lots of trials along the way and situations to deal with. Magic is an extra ability to help deal with everything."
"You would never have believed what some of the Clow Cards did to try and stay free," she rambled on as he glared at an unresponsive screen. "They're like mischievous little children. Even the gentle ones like to play pranks."
And so forth.
It had been a wonderful night. She had learned a lot about Saionji and he had learned a lot about her, and their relationship had grown much more comfortable. She wasn't bothered by the fact that they were so-called 'engaged' or about being the Rose Bride anymore, and she sensed that he was feeling better about his role as the Champion.
He had finished his paper in the wee hours of the morning and thanked her profusely for her help. Then he crashed for a few hours before he woke up again and ran to turn it in to his professor. She was luckier for her first class that day was right after lunch, and had the leisure of sleeping in. Then she, too, ran to her lecture - just in time to grab that midterm.
It was a very good day, and Sakura was only more amused to see that Saionji was lounging in the chair with Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
"Did I get any mail?" A letter from Tomoyo would really top everything off nicely.
He barely glanced up. "Yeah. A pretty thick letter from someone in Hong Kong."
She froze. "Whose name was on there?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. "Sumomo? Ri? I'm not sure of the Chinese pronunciation of that character. At least, I assume it's Chinese."
Li.
All that euphoria threatened to leave as she reached out with hands that were remarkably steady. She shifted through a few catalogs and flyers and fished out a pale green envelope with familiar handwriting on it.
Saionji lowered the book. "Are you okay?" he asked with sudden perception.
She turned the letter around, but could not bring herself to break the seal.
"Sakura...?"
She blinked and looked at him. "What did you say?"
He flushed and looked down, mumbling, "I'm sorry... must have forgotten my manners..."
Only a few people called her by her given name and not her family name. Her father and brother, of course, along with Tomoyo and Wakaba...
And Shaoran.
"Kinomoto, it's quite plain there is something about that letter which is disturbing you." Unspoken but not unheard was the request that she tell him just why that was so.
"Have..." Her voice trembled slightly. "Have you ever had someone so special... they felt like they were a part of you? And...you felt you'd be... with that someone the rest of your life... and then you're broken apart...?"
He looked at her blankly, but then his expression changed to one of...
Understanding?
She whirled around and ran up the stairs, apologizing, "I'm sorry, I just need to be alone right now!"
She closed her door behind her and fell into a heap, and not even Kero-chan could cheer her up again.
The wind blew through her hair as she watched the campus from above, white wings glimmering in the sunlight. She needed time alone, time to think...
Time to sort out the pieces of her heart.
Again the calm beauty of the Rose Platform beckoned and again she heeded the call. Her wings disappeared in a flash of feathers.
The roses nodded at her arrival, or perhaps it was just the ever-present breeze that played in the sky garden. Now and then a large petal would drift free, spinning and dancing in the air before dropping out of sight below the platform. Her eyes followed each one, as if they held the hopes and dreams that forever lay beyond her reach, disappearing forever the moment she blinked.
When she couldn't bear it anymore, she swung her wand around and pulled out a card. "Windy!"
The now-obedient breeze caught the petal and gently brought it to her. But as she reached out to catch it, a stronger wind blew it far away.
Perhaps it would go as far away as Hong Kong.
The elemental returned to its previous form. The thin card fluttered in her hand.
"Shaoran..."
She pulled out the letter and held it up to the window. It fluttered just as the Windy card had. How easy it would be to let it go, to watch it fly away to where ever the rose petals soared, to watch it leave her life just as he did.
It was not easy at all. She couldn't loosen her grip, her misty eyes still seeking his name written in precise strokes.
Would she ever be able to let him go?
Would she ever want to be able to do so?
Somehow, an image of Saionji appeared in her mind. He had looked worried when she picked up the letter.
She remembered her outburst.
Why was there that look of understanding on his serious features?
Her mind swung back to Miki's notebook, to the one thing she had read in the portion about Saionji.
"Although the others scoff at Saionji's relationship with the Rose Bride, he appears to be the only one who cares about Himemiya-san, and not just because she is the Rose Bride. I believe he may even be in love with her, though he would never admit such a thing to the rest of the Student Council."
Saionji had loved Anthy?
But Anthy had left with that young woman, Tenjou Utena.
...had left Saionji...
...had left Sakura...
...had left...
A sharp gust of wind tore at her. She instinctively gripped the letter tightly before it could be blown away.
She couldn't let him go.
Even after all this time. Even after everything that had happened.
The strong wind blasted through the garden, sending leaves and petals whirling into the air. Sakura held numbly onto the letter and the Star Key, feeling the wind's cold edge cut through her.
"Aren't you cold?"
She spun around, for a brief moment thinking it might be Saionji.
His red hair swirled around as the angry wind tugged at it, making his head look like it was ringed with fire.
No colder than I already was, she thought dimly. "I'm fine," she mumbled.
"No. You're shivering," he said flatly, staring at her. "It gets much colder here, being so very high up in the sky."
"But that's what gives it such a nice view," she countered half-heartedly, turning away. She still wanted to be alone, and she hoped he would get the hint.
He didn't. "The view is lonely when you're by yourself, so far away from the people below," he said, taking a few steps towards her.
The wind blew harder as Sakura watched the clouds gathering overhead. She hugged herself tightly, silently, wishing he would just go away.
She froze entirely when she felt him wrap an arm around her shoulder. His body was warm behind her. "You don't have to be alone, you know," he said softly into her ear.
Sakura refused to be persuaded by his charm, trying to turn away again. Part of her wished it was Shaoran protecting her from the world, part of her wished she could run away to the comfort of her room. Part of her was confused over what to do next. Part of her...
Touga pulled her closer, his lips moving closer to hers.
She yanked away as sparks literally flew between them. He let go of her immediately, dancing back as stars danced in front of his eyes, the afterimage of the brilliant bolt that had flung itself between them.
"Go away," she said hoarsely, feeling the star-magic coursing through her. "Some people like to be alone."
He scowled but did not comment, still rubbing his eyes to clear the shock. With a look of disapproval and a whirl of red, he disappeared. The clanging of the elevator door signaled his departure.
The fierce wind whipped around her, sending bits of debris to scratch at her. She ignored the small tinges of pain. Was it really a bolt from the heavens, or had she used the Thundery to protect herself?
She stared blankly as the storm broke all around her, pummeling the roses down with fat drops of cold rain.
Finally, when she was soaked through, shivering, and the water that ran down her face was no longer due to tears, she spread her wings and flew back to the dorms.
"Sakura-chan, where have you been? You'll catch your death of cold like this!" Kero-chan complained as he struggled to close the window against the storm.
She silently latched the panes shut, leaving Kero-chan to shake his head at the wet carpet and sigh in exasperation at her condition. "I know you're still hurting over Li, but you can't let that destroy you! I'm not saying you should get over him if you aren't able to, but at least have consideration for your own well-being! What will your father say if your grades dropped because you were too sick to go to class? Please, Sakura! Did you even open the letter?"
She tossed the sodden mess onto the desk, away from her books. "Now no one can open it," she said dully, half wishing she had read the contents and half wishing she had thrown it to the wind.
The little Guardian stared, aghast, at both her and the letter.
"I'm going to take a shower," she mumbled as she grabbed a towel and a change of clothing.
Saionji stared at her in the hallway as she dripped water onto the carpet.
"Don't use up all the hot water," he remarked coldly as he continued up to his own room.
Sakura ignored him and slammed the bathroom door shut. Maybe she couldn't drown out her sorrows with hot water, but at least she'd feel better physically when she was done.
Saionji stared at the cluttered confines of his desk. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, listening to the sound of water running through the pipes.
What was he supposed to do now?
The mess in front of him reminded him of the cluttered thoughts in his head. Papers he had half forgotten about were strewn everywhere, which made finding his notes a headache. He told himself to organize it almost every day, and yet he never got around to it.
He set his feet at the edge of the desk and decided to let it stew for another day. He could hear his Composition professor making nagging comments on the metaphor, and ignored it. Cleaning up his desk would do nothing for the confusion in his mind.
"And...you felt you'd be... with that someone the rest of your life... and then you're broken apart...?"
He had lost the one he loved. But before he could say anything, she had rushed off.
Who was the person who had sent the letter, and why had she reacted that way? Where did she go and why had she returned in such a state? What was she going to do next?
What would Anthy think of her replacement?
Rain splattered against his window. It was an unusually strong storm for so early in the school year. It almost felt unnatural. He dreaded having to brave the weather for classes tomorrow.
He could still hear the water running through the pipes. What caused this sudden change? This past week had been wonderful. Sakura had been opening up like the flower she was named after. She was back to her normal, outgoing self - or at least what Saionji thought was her normal, outgoing self. He recalled how her eyes lit up when she told him her adventures capturing the Clow Cards.
Still, it felt like she was leaving something very important out of her stories.
"Just like... JUST LIKE SHAORAN!" she had yelled.
Who was Shaoran? Was he the one who had sent Sakura that letter? What did he do to her that made Sakura turn into a bundle of confusion and sadness at the mere arrival of his letter?
She wouldn't tell him.
What if he told her about Anthy?
Saionji shook his head angrily. Why was he thinking this way? If she didn't want to share what happened, no amount of coaxing on his part would convince her otherwise.
Yet... he still wanted to try.
A gust of wind rattled his shutters and his nerves, distracting him from his thoughts. Something about this storm...
Why did he feel as if the true storm had yet to break?
She had totally withdrawn into herself again.
Saionji checked the wooden handles of the shinai for signs of wear, the sound of wood clunking on wood echoing through the empty kendo dojo. Bad weather had kept everyone else away, but he knew he had to give Sakura her space.
She had two faces like a coin. There was the sweet, happy, vibrant young woman who studied hard, played harder, and was in control of everything.
Then there was the insecure, broken little girl who wanted to hide from the world.
How fitting she entered the school, which itself had broken after the departure of the Rose Bride to take Anthy's role. Nothing had been the same after Anthy had left. There were no more duels. No more talks about the World Revolution. No more roses. Sakura filled a role that lay open so long, like the last piece in an intricate puzzle, the piece that connected everyone to everything. With her here, the school was complete, and yet she herself was not.
Could she really bring about the world revolution? Would she leave, just as Anthy had?
Was he able to bring about the world revolution as the Champion?
"You're here late," commented a familiar figure that was framed by the doorway.
"If water gets into the shinai, it can ruin them," he replied.
"Really..."
Saionji grunted as he moved to the next set.
"I saw Sakura yesterday."
How rude of him to comment on her so familiarly.
"She was alone on the Rose Platform."
Well, that answered some of his questions.
"She seemed upset over something."
The letter, of course.
"Were you just going to let her get drenched up there?" asked Touga angrily. "Some Champion you are, not even caring about so important a person as the Rose Bride. The one you're engaged to. Or were you the reason why she was up there...?"
"And you think you could to better?" he demanded, rising to the insult before he could stop himself.
Touga grinned. "I can try."
He looked up in surprise.
"A duel, if you will. Rain or shine, tomorrow at four. The usual place, of course." The last part was added with more than a hint of derision.
His eyes narrowed. Touga was up to something, but he couldn't turn down the challenge. It was not his part to contest the validity of the dueling game. It was his part to participate.
"I'll see you two there... I hope," smirked Touga as he opened his umbrella and walked off.
"There's another challenge?" She looked up at him in surprise.
"Touga challenged me not half an hour ago. The duel is tomorrow at four."
"But the storm..."
"A little rain won't change the outcome."
She looked as if she was about to protest, but then her shoulders sagged. "I see," she replied, looking down without seeing anything. "I understand."
It didn't look like she did, but Saionji did not press the issue. He merely nodded and went back up to his room to stare at the mess on his desk and contemplate cleaning it.
He wouldn't actually clean it, of course.
He never did.
Sakura watched him leave and then stared out the window. Neither of them had closed the curtains but the view was obscured by a pattern of droplets covering the glass. It was as if the skies were crying, like she was crying.
The gray, heavy clouds hung overhead and matched her desolate mood. The letter from Shaoran remained on her desk, dry but now a mass of blotchy ink. She hadn't written him back. She wasn't sure she wanted to.
Not even a cheery email from Tomoyo had lifted her spirits. Her best friend's college escapades were amusing but not substitute to actually being with her. Besides, Tomoyo sounded a little more distant in her message, as if something else were occupying her attention and time.
Like school, perhaps? Sakura chided herself. It was natural that the two of them would start to grow apart, going to colleges so far apart. She only hoped that their holiday schedules would coincide so they could go shopping, or ice-skating, or to see a movie.
Letting out a sigh, Sakura grabbed her book bag, zipped up her raincoat, and dashed out to her calculus lecture.
The sky was covered with thick gray storm clouds. Sakura reached a hand up, feeling as if she could pull down a wisp from the platform that touched the heavens. There was no rain yet, but the smell of water hung in the air and promised a great storm to come.
I can only hope it will wait until this silly duel is over, she sighed. Will the roses be okay? Should I use some sort of spell to protect them? Even as the thought crossed her mind she tossed it aside. These flowers have survived three years without a single gardener! They can survive a single storm.
But the storm was not only in the clouds.
"You're early," commented Saionji by way of greeting.
"My lecture finished early," Sakura replied. "You're early too."
He shrugged. "No sense in waiting."
"That matches my sentiments exactly," commented a third, deep voice.
"Kiryuu-san!" gasped Sakura in surprise.
He smiled as he stepped through the wrought iron gate. "I'm glad all parties are accounted for. Not going to try and duel me again, are you, Kinomoto?"
She frowned at him, remember how he had tried to kiss her. As a reply, she chanted the magic words that set the rose-circle aglow at her feet, transforming her uniform into the scarlet dress of the Rose Bride.
"Release!" she cried out, Akio's rose once again taking the form of the Sword of Dios that Saionji took.
Touga raised his own blade. "I hope this isn't long. Wouldn't do to be stuck out here in the rain, would it?"
"Suits me," Saionji muttered back, pointing the Sword of Dios out at rose in his opponent's pocket.
The platform was suddenly filled with light. Overhead, through the thick clouds, luminous spires appeared. The clouds did not move aside for the towers and yet the Castle of Eternity shone overhead, impossibly intermingled with the coming storm.
Sakura stared at the sight. Was the Castle a real, solid construction, or was it merely a figment of the imagination, some illusionary marvel that one could not but hope to believe in?
There was no answer but the clash of swords and the clanging of bells. The duel had begun. Nothing could stop it now.
The duelists struck and dodged each other as fast as lightning. Sakura was stunned at the lethal skill each man displayed. Saionji's attacks were stronger and more pressing, but Touga's were swifter and more cunning. In the first duel, Saionji had the advantage of surprise, but in this duel they were evenly matched. Remembering how previous duels had gone, she pulled the rose magic into herself, gathering it around her. Then, she sent the rose-power spiraling upwards to the Castle of Eternity. She did not know yet why she wanted Saionji to win, but she knew she did not want Touga to be victorious. Perhaps that was reason enough.
There was a silent explosion as the Castle burst into a glory of light that blinded all there people. But seconds later the light faded away, and as the brilliance dropped so did large drops of water. The storm had broken in earnest, and tons of water poured down onto the platform and the hapless roses, which drooped under the barrage.
Somehow, the water never touched Sakura. She was surrounded by a red glow that was not from the protection of her Cards. The rose sigil at her feet was shining again. Could the rose-magic be protecting her from the storm?
A single glance told her that neither duelist had such protection, and the battle was starting to turn messy. In seconds both men were wet to the bone, but the duel never faltered. Along with the distant booming of thunder was the clanging of metal striking metal.
Sakura couldn't stand by watching helplessly, but her attempts to gather the rose magic again failed. The red glow remained at her feet, and she remained dry, but the magic refused to do anything more useful. All around her, the storm's unnatural fury crushed everything in its path except the battle. Nothing could stop it.
As the duel continued amidst the rain, the conditions rapidly grew worse. There was poor visibility and the unexpected loss of grip on the sword to deal with along with the chill and the lightning that began to punctuate the battle.
Leaping backwards to dodge Touga's swordpoint, Saionji's foot slipped on the wet ground. Sakura watched wordlessly as he stumbled backwards, eyes wide with surprise, when Touga lunged forward.
Rose petals and the Sword of Dios flew off in two different directions.
Touga smiled.
Saionji quickly levered himself upright and instinctively reached for the Sword, but Touga stood in his path. He sheathed his own blade, then reached down and picked up Akio's rose.
"I believe this belongs to my Rose Bride," he said, the first thing anyone had said since the duel had begun.
She could only stare in disbelief as he gently placed the rose in her pocket, then took her hands and gently guided her to the elevator, leaving the sodden Saionji behind to the storm's anger.
Saionji toweled his hair dry, staring at himself in the mirror. The Eastern Dormitory was more silent than he ever thought it could be. Sakura had moved out minutes before, and already this was a different place. Who would have imagined how she managed to fill an entire building with her bright energy? Even when she was feeling blue, she made her presence known in a unique way. But she was gone now, following the unbreakable rule. The Rose Bride lived with her Champion, and not even Dios could change it.
He had decided to stay behind. He did not want to deal with the frustration of moving again, not after he had established himself in this place. Besides, it offered him some distance from Sakura. He doubted she'd want to see him again. Touga would be a much better champion than he. Besides, Nanami lived in the same dormitory, and she and Sakura were good friends. There, she would be safe and happy.
Here, he would be alone, with his memories of Anthy.
Staring at his reflection wouldn't do anything for his hunger, as his stomach so reminded him. Sighing, he slowly walked down the stairs, and paused at the landing. His eyes followed the hallway down to were Sakura's room had been, and his feet led him on the pathway he had not treaded before. Lightly, he placed his hand on the door knob and turned it.
The room was as empty as the rest of the dorm, as empty as his heart felt.
"Saionji-san..."
Then he realized that little magical pet of hers was sitting on the desk.
"Aaah... Keberus..."
The little plushie looked up and caught his eyes, and the sadness in them brushed away his own similar feelings.
"Keberus... what are you doing here?"
Kero-chan's wings fluttered softly as he glided up to Saionji. "I... Sakura asked me to come back to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. She was in a big rush to pack, and she was worried she might leave something behind. I told her you'd send her anything she might have neglected, but she insisted that I check anyway.
"Saionji-san... do you think this is for the best?"
He ran a hand through his still-damp hair, unsure of how to respond to the Guardian's question. "I don't know," he finally admitted. "I honestly don't know how Touga will treat her. But Touga's sister, Nanami, is in the same dorm, and I know the two are friends. Besides, it's not like I was any good at being Champion. Half the time I just blow off at her, and the other half of the time she won't even tell me what's wrong. Let Touga be the champion. He'd probably do a much better job that I would."
"And you wouldn't have to duel anymore..." the creature observed.
"She told you that, did she?"
"Are you glad?"
He was silent for a moment. "I don't know yet," he answered.
"Will you duel again?"
"I... don't know that either..."
Kero-chan looked down, away from Saionji.
"Did... did she leave anything behind?"
The yellow head snapped back up and caught his eyes once more. "She did." He turned to look at a piece of paper on the desk.
Saionji looked as well. It looked like an envelope, but the words were water-stained beyond reading. The stamps in the corner, however, were familiar. They were, in fact, Hong Kong stamps.
That's the letter she got from that Li person, he realized.
"She left it behind because... she left him behind," Kero-chan said softly, and he had to strain to hear him. "I think she tried to throw it away before but didn't have the heart. She thinks that by leaving the letter behind, she can let go of his memory. But I don't think it works that way. I watched her pack, and I saw how she deliberately left it there."
That Li person, who made her run away to the Rose Platform and return as wet as a dog, he thought.
"I said before that I wouldn't presume to tell you of the story between Sakura and Li. That's something she has to tell you herself, when her heart has healed. But it will never heal if she lets it sit like this, dwelling in her heart and hurting her at every turn.
"I could bring the letter to her, but she would only ignore it again, or pretend to chide me for being so silly. Who wants a letter that no one can read? I could bring the letter to her, but that won't heal her.
"But you could bring it to her."
Saionji blinked.
"You could bring it to her. You could pretend you found it yourself and thought it might be important. You could ask her to tell you what happened.
"You can heal her heart."
He found words to say, but they were angry words, and he did not want to offend this little creature who only wished the best for his master. And what of my own heart? She suffers as surely as I, but even if I heal hers...
Who will heal mine?
He could not say these to Kerberus, whom he had found deep respect for. Instead, he merely shook his head. "What can I do? I've asked before and she simply doesn't want to tell me. Why don't you go ask Touga to ask her. He's the Champion now."
The white wings drooped a little. "Perhaps I will," Kero-chan said in a resigned voice. "But I do not know him as well as I know you. And I know you can do this. I don't know if this Touga can. All I want is for Sakura to be herself again. To be alive with energy and happiness and the power of her magic. Not like she is now, turning away from everyone because they remind her of the times she spent with Li. She opened up to you. She hasn't opened up to anyone else in this school, but she opened up to you. I think you can do this...
"But if you don't wish to, I can't force you."
And with that, the little winged plushie glided out the door, the white tuft of his tail disappearing, leaving Saionji truly and utterly alone in the Eastern Dormitory.
...to be continued...
AUTHOR NOTES:
Yes, I had to put in the reference to Harry Potter. After all, CCS/Harry Potter crossover fics seem to be the newest 'in' thing, although the only one I've read (Yuuhi's in-progress story, Clow Cards and Broomsticks) was well thought-out and merged the two universes quite neatly. (Can't say anything about the others, though.) Besides, Sakura's situation in this fic does share some similarities with Harry's situation in book 1 - namely the admittance to a school neither has heard about, where both ending up doing mysterious and great things with new found powers. And if you think that Harry Potter has no place in higher education, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's (Philosopher's) Stone was one of the required readings for my English 4W class at UCLA, a class many undergrads take to fulfill the Writing II requirement, and our last paper compared Harry Potter with Huck Finn (and in my paper, A Very Old Man With Enormous Wings.)
Besides, I like Harry Potter. Not enough to buy the merchandise, but eenough to enjoy reading the books. Who says you have to be a kid to like magic?
P.S. You can read my paper [but no plagiarism, kids!] here.
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Card Captor Sakura was created by CLAMP and is (c) their respective companies. Shoujo Kakumei Utena was created by Chiho Saitou/Be-Papas and is (c) their respective companies. Please address all inquiries to me at ming_ling@hotmail.com. Please do not repost this fanfic without my prior written permission.